These are poem of the pain of my life life is filled with love, passion and pain take my hand and
walk through the dark heart of the vampyress and know there is healing for us all in words of pain...
the other side of love is emptiness ,but i promise to bring you back to love for what is love without
sorrow , we all grow through it .


With stabs in my back
i grow weary
crimson tears of betrayal .
lies are deadly
people are crushed
innocents hurt
for the selfish and greed
Head games ripping flesh
hearts that knew love
now empty
never to mend
power trips
ego boast for the insecure
Fake words
false love , hidden motives
gutton for praise
from anywhere
cry wolf too many times
no one listens
i hear no more
i have closed the tunnel
no light
no sound
only pain
i am now numb to it all


Dreams of the Heart

Through plastic and wire
a song did play
in the soul of the vampyress
Long miles away though so close
it sang of desire and longing
it played in her heart

caresses of the soul
passions whispers
wondering if solace
hides in the distance ,
know the others
may not understand
that her body shivers
for the touch of his hand

she will dream this nite
and seek his touch
in the realm of astral
to find the one with
her passions mate
brough by plastic and wire
and a strange twist of fate

There all will happen
that is dreamed of
she will feed him her firey love
he will give her the touch that he has .
wrapped up inside them
free now at last

To kiss him so sweetly
and hold him so close
to sleep in his arm
so tender so close ,
part they do now
and say their goodbyes
and meet once again
at the end of sunrise

In silent skies she does fly
onward moving fast and high
where she goes in darkest nites
moving quickly to seek and find
things that bring her peace of mind

in dreams she wander ssearching far
making wishes in the stars
will alone she always be
shall happiness soon find her at last
or will the cycle simply last

in silver moon beams
she searchs the nite
seeking shelter to be held tight
angels wings carry her flight
could this nite be the nite

The huntress who hungers
for so much more
returns back home
and through her door

alone to lay upon her bed
her lips of traces of blood she fed
her life isnt one that is easily to explain
at times her tears they fall like rain

of haunted heat and darkest soul
wild sensual hungers never told
Oh taking her pleasures without fail
but still alone to tell her tale

In her dreams she holds him tight
and only then does it feel right
endless times she wishes never to rise
yet when she awakens the dream dies

Oh man of darkness where are thee
come and take her
and set her free
you of hell fire's darkest nights
take your dark angel and hold her tight

Unwraped presents

the heart is full flames
that burn so bright
yet the arms are so very empty
as passion burns within
given to no one

these secret gifts i hold
within my soul
with no one to give then to
presents yet unwraped

come the break of day
i go to my bed
my darkened room that
protects me from the glare
of the sun

i crawl in my bed
between my sheets
and lay alone and think

though there is no protection
from the emptiness i feel
my life spins before me
circles of work ,sleep and all alone

i sing songs to no one
i dream of something more ,
as i head out to the nite time
i look back at the door

my home, my heart
all there and waiting
for the one some day
who will fill this vampyress
heart with love
and end these lonely days


alone i sit and listen
to the sounds of emptiness
singing to me , the one with empty arms
and broken dreams

everything i ever wanted , seems
unreachable or taken by another
Is fate a cruel prankster , with an unfunny joke?

i wonder at times ,if Destiny
has deemed me to wander all alone
never knowing a lovers caress,or the passion in his eyes

at times the longing is maddening
the tears fall and melt into my pillow
the lonliness enveloping me once again
i curse my longing soul

i watch others and still can smile at their joy
but at times , the hurt is raw
a reminder of what i dont have
and maybe never will

No lovers laughter or knowing smiles
no cuddles in the break of day light
my words heard whispered in the darkness
only by my goddess and me

so many broken dreams , promises
all came to me times past but do nothing in the now
for now i am alone in my bed and life
with unanswered songs

never touching the realness
of a lovers face and hair
only staring at the space of nothing and feeling more alone then i ever belived i could

Never did i belive i would end up this way
to end each day hungering for the touch
of the one i love But he isnt here , the dark prince of my longings

Screaming in my mind , shattering my heart
like broken glass, i am tired of all alone
i face alone the day in my bed ,noctural angel all alone
in the void of emptiness that is my world


the water is hot
as i scrub my skin
to wash away
the brutal sin
you invaded
and tried to over take
no is no
not maybe not yes
the pain , the fight
i am so sore
so burdened by the
brutality and the filth
of your hands on me
your soul is cursed now
venegence will be mine
until then i scrub
away your touch
and call upon all
i have to heal
yet i also rage
know you have
crossed all lines
your freedom is forefeit
you are animal scum
i hail your slaughter
i will thrill
in your sufferings
as i laugh
in your nightmares to come
as my dark gods
take back what you took from me
for i will not be your victim
i am your darkest fears now
i am your death

as a little girl

she was tattered and torn

as a child she was cold

and alone.....

as a teen she was violated

trust was destroyed..

no one came to save

her heart nor her soul

she closed off her self

never to let anyone inside

away safe from love

she ran to hide.

fear kept her safe

always loved ,

unable to truly love

the wall loomed

and kept her safe.

as a woman ,

she grew to be cold

such an ice princess

all so alone....

his name , one day

come to her from a friend

the reign of the ice princess

came to an end .

she listened to his heart

and looked at his pictures

and she was forever changed

gone were the memories

of a mothers boyfriend

who raped and took her youth

gone were the filthy hands groping her

as a young girl, come on little song bird

as managers and agents , tried to make her

while her mother who's heart went cold,she just

said sing little songbird sing..and closed her eyes .

refusing to see , that all this was killing

the song bird 's will to love.

her mother said take what you can get

it was on this she was raised

she ran to a husbands arms

while still a child

hot grease tossed on her back

sckull fractures and a coma

were the answers she got

so again she was alone

and learned to be lonely

until the day she saw this picture

of the one she had always saw

in dreams she had laughd away.

he could never be , but then she did see

his face, heard his words and knew

here fially was he , the one she knew

only from her dreams , he had another

fear struck in.......she many love her

so very many men , she couldnt let in..

but this man...well he had a key

little song bird know its not

for her to ever win......

the worst enemy she has ever had

was , her loss to accept love

to show it even to really know it

so she told her love, a sad goodbye

and over him she will forever cry

now her soul has learned ,

sad sad fact

when you lose the perfect love

you shall never get it back

she ran to one who loved her so

knowing that her true love would surely go

but then againshe always did know

that for her love and happiness

was never to be so..


ode to sleeping alone

moonlight plays across my window
as i roll over to hug nobody
rain falls , softly
as no one holds me tight
fireflies dance
as i wish for my partner

The sheets feel so very cold
as i hug emptiness
and nobody holds me close .
fighting over covers
with no one at all
my lips ache
as nobody kisses them
This bed is crowded
and empty all the same
no one and nobody
my lovers in vain

the price of wishes

candles burn , flicker and flash
whispered voices , fill my head
vows taken to the blackness caress
wishes granted , deals made .
he came to me upon a dream
long ago .took my hand
called me childe
said we would talk
and he said the score
told i could be a dreamwalker
just like he
from that day there was no more,
nothing left of innocence lost
gladly taken, forever lost
from time to time
he returns his call
just to remind me
i gave up it all
music screaming in my head
songs of torture fear and dread
all my gifts he gave to me
have left me with
cold brutality ..
barren heart, soul so lost
little girl , lupine angel
woman childe forever lost
i wander alone now
ever the huntress
incapable of stopping
the beast i have become
tempting death
awaiting his caress
to end the madness
only to be denied his arrival.
i make love to my dagger
as it seeks out my insanity
coupling with vengence
ice flowing through my veins
i chuckle at the pain
for i feel only the hunger
dreaming of crimson rainstorms
the quest never done
Gone are sunday smiles
and the heart that hoped and dreamed
locked in eternity
little girl gone ,ice princess here to stay
Made a deal with the darkness
all my wishes made
Payment is forever
the price i had to pay
i have all i ever wanted
i bought it with my soul


Razor song

he appears ,meets your eyes
shouldnt come as a surprise
sitting there , room spins round
whiskey running through your head
all you felt now is dead
crimson sliver run anew
come on baby sing the razor song
cleansing rivers ,stop the pain
endless nights alone
finally took its toll
fate pointed it finger
said i want you
the rythmn of the music
it sings to your heart
bleed baby , bleed just for me
sweet death's seduction
come dance with your demons
they miss you so
come baby sing the razor song
kisses and whispers
tried to run from us
but we think you should know
we are here waiting
now its time to go
child of darkness , child of song
Home is where hell is
come on baby sing the razor song
walk with me now come along
you had your time
you sang your song ,
,the show is over
now come along
slice it deeply
dont take too long
bleed out all the pain
such pretty red rain
dont say it will hurt, lil songbird
in this life you've known worse
rape and misjudgement
love for you is just a curse
come now childe your pain is through
my dark wings here spread
to enfold you
come on baby sing the razor song
you know the words ,they come to you
off to nothing together we sail
sleep among the starlight
wash down the pain
drink that fire water
perfect for you demon daughter
funny thought you had
silly silly you,that happiness
would find and come save the day
come on dark angel
tell me true ,did you think that could happen
to one such as you?
bleed and cry ,take my hand
come find peace and and sleep so true
let my arms come hold you
come on baby sing the razor song


Long Is The Night

long is the nite
alone i walk
these streets of forver
desires in the eyes i see
but not the desire i wish
from you for me
reason tell warns
to set my heart free
as the rush of the
hungers of ages
flows through me
foggy evenings
i wonder as i walk do you
think of me ?
bad choices ,pride on the fall
searching for compassion
where none is found
only with you do i find
the karmic bond eternal
seeking a solution
to my cravings
only you truly have the answer
for you alone hold the key
to feed from scarlet
delight .at your side
to have your
Arms to enfold me
and hold me oh so tight
whispers i long for
saying all will be alright
but things cant be that way
i understand all too well
starry skies tell me true
that i what my heart truly seeks
i find in you
the time is never right it seems
so many things complicate
and my imprisoned captive
heart can only wait
we pass each other on by
each knowing what the heart
says is true
i wonder if you ever see
the tears that i cry
when i long for you
we drift through our lives
both working hard to survive
a purpose clear and true
wishes made from me and you
Time can only tell
what this life shall bring
to you and i .
for i am
the queen of the darkest passions
you reign as king

The Dark Angel's Loss

sadness enfold my heart
i know now we must part
i of darkness
you of light
love cant end the eternal fight
what she is she can not change

i go on as i , have always been
and you travel your own road
it was a beautiful trip we took
in the shadows where we met
and the love i had for you i will never forget

so when you walk through darkness
and a you feel the caress of starlight
know that it was the one who loves you so
as she reaches through the shadows
into the only spot she can touch

she watches you in the light
and loves you still even though
she couldnt be what you wanted
and she had to let you go
her heart now is empty
her soul awaits the end
of its time in this life
hopefully the in his mercy
the hand of death will end this walk alone

she is child of darkness , he was child of light
love was caught forever in between this fight
the shadows were the only place
that they could meet and love
she couldnt go into the light
and couldnt rise above
so sadly now she walks alone
her eyes they fill with tears
her heart fills up with sorrow
weighed down with loss

The Is No light Here

there is no light here
no smile
no embrace
there is no one
who understands
no one to save me
from gripping hands
should have saw it
should have known the score
i was blinded and broad sided
silly little hope and dreams
never meant to be
'empty nites
and lonely days
in the cards for me
cold and dizzy head is spiining
betrayal how it stings
lost in silent blood red rages
holding back the beast
out of it now
gone forever
never back again
the blackness found me
and held my hand
and took me back again .
Hatred holds me now
should have known it all before
silly hope of ever after
sneaked right out my door

Hide away

welcome to the hideaway
The games of lovers , the eternal
self denial , the blindfolds we wear
oh so tightly , blocking out all light .
In the dream scape of a love
we hid from the horrors of truths
preferring to shelter ourselves
in dreams, from the slaps of truth.
Huddled close i reach to touch you.
I need to be reasured , to be held close
i beg you in dreams and awake .
love me kill me all the same .
Tell me sweet lies, hide the pain of real.
make my daydreams come to me
In rushes of promises ,
that will never be kept
Deceive me with forevers
Oh my partner in this merry go round world
May we stay here forever ?
I dont want to face being alone
in my bed of black lace .
screaming, crying bleeding .
its just too real
dont let truths hurt us
in our world of sweet dreams
Let us hide in the madness
i cannot deal with the truth
The rape of all i wanted
belived to be so true
I beg you to hide me now
in this make belive world .
All my dreams are there now
i wove them into this
i can face tomorrow
or forever not with you .
I come out each day and face reality
and its bites and tears at my flesh .
Scared i run to your lies and promises
safe there i hide .
The scars of promises,pain and dissapointment
mark my soul
my heart leaks from pain ., torn and shredded
I wanted this to be our forever
as i slip into insanity .
Kiss me , kill me all the same to me
as i run screaming
to the world of it doesnt matter anymore
Find me there among the flowers
i am the rose who has long faded away

Silent Suffering

In the somber veins
of nothing.
Happiness a long ago memory
the stillness of vacant dreams
The screams of could be's haunt my nightmares
empty ,cold,and barrren , these days i live
missing what i am
trying to be what i am not
Longing for the crimson pleasures
knowing no one here can understand ..
as i am deeply
missing my own kind
alone and isolated in a sea of normal
in this mortal wasteland
wirh its boring expectations
and silly needs,
not met by kindred seductions
I miss the danger of what i am
the slaves who did my bidding
those who know that we are not like they
We are the hidden kings and queens
whose time shall soon come
now all that seems far away .
I"m the trapped vampyress locked in suberbia
hear me scream silently ..
There are no explanations available
no way to make the masses see
I Long to run to the fold of kindred arms
those of who understand the things
that there are no answers to .
I am cemented in
drowning in the flow
help me ..i yell to no one
as the sun sets soon
Racing in my veins
is the pulse of what i am ..
I seek solitude
that can never be found
here trapped
in a sea of normal mundane noise

Page Two of Pain and Loss Poetry


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